Living Martyr

drumnbass411 @ 2009-07-11T03:42:00

2009-07-11T09:04:04Z

i have to believe that the pain that i feel is only part of the process of something bigger, and that someday, when we all see clearly, i will look back to all those moments in life and see the beautiful picture they, as a whole, created...as if every pain, joy, regret, not the what if's but the what next's, every decision we make, is part of some divine connect the dots, where we create the stops and He guides the pen...i have to believe that truth, love, beauty, all things good, are eternal and everlasting...this is my hope, this is my peace...

Part 3

2009-06-04T06:58:33Z

Britt

idk

i need a pause button to figure out what i want

1:28am

Oscar

or maybe shes so wrapped up in oprah world that she has no idea what realy contentment is

1:28am

Britt

hahaha

1:28am

Oscar

real*

money can buy alot of things britt...but it cant buy u happiness and contentment

1:29am

Britt

i dont need or want money

i just want to feel whole and complete and needed

1:29am

Oscar

1:29am

Britt

and that i exsist for a reason

1:29am

Oscar

u do..

1:29am

Britt

thanks.

1:29am

Oscar

no but really..u do..

1:30am

Britt

ill believe it when i figure what it is ot

**out

1:30am

Oscar

i dont want to start preachin Jesus to u..but right now would be the perfect time to

..just saying..

there really is a story that we all fit into...

from the begginning to the end..

1:32am

Britt

hahaha oh oscar you are great

thank you for listening to me ramble and whine

1:32am

Oscar

and i wouldnt say that if i honestly from the bottom of my heart didnt believe it

1:32am

Britt

i know you wouldnt

1:32am

Oscar

anytime really

1:32am

Britt

it was very kind of you

i feel as if i have no one these days

so it means alot when someone listens to me

1:33am

Oscar

ive always felt alone...

1:34am

Britt

well i dont mind listening either

i know you probably would rather talk to someone with more life experience and such

but if you ever cant find someone over the age of 25

im here and i dont mind.

1:35am

Oscar

haha

i can never find anyone over the age of 25

1:36am

Britt

haha im sorry

1:36am

Oscar

ha its oke

sometimes i feel like im chasing the wind

1:37am

Britt

i think we all do

i do

you mean like you are chasing comething just out of your reach?

1:37am

Oscar

sorta...

like i have these huge dreams...

i mean i wouldnt be chasing them if i didnt think i could ever reach em

1:38am

Britt

my friend spencer told me, that if your heart is big enough to dream them, than surely your arms are big enough to reach them.

1:39am

Oscar

ha i like that

1:40am

Britt

me too. its hard to make ourself believe it. but it does make sense i think. or our dreams could be a part of this elaborate joke.

id rather believe the latter.

wouldnt you?

1:42am

Oscar

that our dreams are a part of an elaborate joke?

1:42am

Britt

no the latter sir

about our hearts and arms haha

1:42am

Oscar

u mean the former

1:42am

Britt

yes lo

*lol

1:43am

Oscar

yeah thats what i want to believe

1:43am

Britt

well

lets do it

1:43am

Oscar

yeah lets do it!

1:43am

Britt

i should sleep...it was nice talking to you and believe it ;]

1:43am

Oscar

thanks

1:44am

Britt

ill talk to you or see you soon im sure!

1:44am

Oscar

it was good talking to u too

1:44am

Britt

goodnight oscar

1:44am

Oscar

i think i needed that

g*nite

1:44am

Britt

i did for sure

Part 2

2009-06-04T06:57:41Z

Oscar

we're human...we were made to long..

its what we reach for sometimes that doesnt satisfy us...

1:10am

Britt

1:11am

Oscar

1:11am

Britt

no beuno

1:11am

Oscar

its ok i promise

this is why people go "soul searching"

and always end up in all these crazy religions and crap

1:12am

Britt

hha

1:12am

Oscar

cause they feel this need for something...and try to fill it..

or people party all the time...or use tons of drugs...sex..etc..

everybody is looking for something to distract and numb them from this...

1:14am

Britt

im numb FROM this

1:14am

Oscar

thats what most of capitalist society is built on

sorry im ranting

my little britt is growing up

1:15am

Britt

i am.

i thought i had already grown up

i thought i was done

1:15am

Oscar

haha

1:15am

Britt

BOY was i wrong

1:15am

Oscar

yup..

definately wrong

1:16am

Britt

i am just a little girl lost in the moment

1:18am

Oscar

when i was younger i used to think that someday when i was older i would wake up and just know...like i would reach this moment when things were going as they should...but ive learned that doesnt exist...we will never really know...fully atleast...things are changing all the time...

1:20am

Britt

man

life

bah

who knew?

1:20am

Oscar

i talk to people all day at starbucks and see people who are older that are in the same place as u and i...or people that are so wrapped up in this fake "american dream" shit that they've lost all connection to what being human really is

1:20am

Britt

its insane

thats what it is

1:20am

Oscar

ha i know

1:20am

Britt

there should be a warning lable

1:20am

Oscar

haha

or directions or something

1:21am

Britt

agreed!

1:21am

Oscar

or they shouldve asked me if i wanted to join before hand

but they didnt...and we're here....

thrusted into this thing called life...

1:21am

Britt

hahaha yes! ask us if we want this

1:22am

Oscar

and really we have to make the best of it

1:22am

Britt

take what we are given

1:22am

Oscar

look at the past and learn from those who experienced it...and set ourselve onward

1:22am

Britt

and do our best

somedays id rather just rewind

1:23am

Oscar

yeah but ur special cause ur here NOW

not then..

1:24am

Britt

you are smart

1:24am

Oscar

and u have the opportunity to change things...

..make things happen..

1:24am

Britt

i dont feel like i do though you know?

everytime i try i just get knocked down and i just want so badley to give up

1:25am

Oscar

but even if u did...the hands on the clock would still move foward...

..and there u'd be...getting older...

1:25am

Britt

im not going to live past 40

i know

its just a feeling

1:25am

Oscar

so why not just take the risk..

ha whatever

1:26am

Britt

trust me oscar

i know lol

1:27am

Oscar

and even if u werent as successful as oprah..big deal...what does she have to take the grave that u dont...

1:27am

Britt is damaged goods.

1:27am

Britt

maybe she feels content

1:27am

Oscar

maybe she does..

1:28am

Part 1 convo

2009-06-04T06:56:00Z

Britt

oscar

can i ask you can honest question

and get an honest answer

12:16am

Oscar

hold on im on the phone

12:17am

Britt

12:41am

Oscar

ok sorry

whats up

12:41am

Britt

do you think i will go somewhere in life?

from what you know

12:41am

Oscar

depends on how committed u are at going

12:41am

Britt

12:41am

Oscar

and thats the plain fact

12:41am

Britt

life is a joke

thats what i have determined

12:41am

Oscar

hah ur a joke

j/k

12:42am

Britt

i am

12:42am

Oscar

life can definately be a joke

at times

12:42am

Britt

god has some sense of humor

12:42am

Oscar

true

too bad im not laughin much these days

12:43am

Britt

join the club

12:43am

Oscar

im sorry

so girl doesnt like me..

12:43am

Britt

what?! why?!

she is stupid.

12:44am

Oscar

i dont know

12:45am

Britt

how do you know she doesnt like you then?

12:45am

Oscar

i told her how i feel...she said we're just friends

12:46am

Britt

welcome to my life

well

she doesnt deserve you then if she is silly enough to say a thing like that

she is missing out

12:47am

Oscar

i guess

12:48am

Britt

are you like aren?

looking for the woman you are going to marry?

12:49am

Oscar

well i dont see the point in dating a girl that i dont see myself marrying

ya know?

it just doesnt make any sense

12:49am

Britt

i agree completely

well

im not looking for a girl. but you know what i mean.

12:49am

Oscar

hah

yeah

i give up

12:51am

Britt

me too

but i gave up awhile ago

12:51am

Oscar

12:51am

Britt

youll find a lovely lady one day

i believe it

12:51am

Oscar

thanks

12:51am

Britt

mhm

do you like lauren and karen?

12:51am

Oscar

hahah

12:51am

Britt

honestly do you think they are legit people?

12:52am

Oscar

i thought u meant like to date

12:52am

Britt

good because i have really tried liking them and i just cant. they just. bleh

im just not a fan

12:53am

Oscar

well...im really good at seeing the good in people...and yes they can be pretty immature and what not..but they have good hearts

ive seen some girls there that are plain bleh

but those two...their honest...in a way..ha

12:54am

Britt

if you say so

what about me? do i have a good heart? or am i just plain immatue/

haha

12:55am

Oscar

no u do

12:55am

Britt

i see

12:55am

Oscar

and im not just saying that cause i know ur fishin for a compliment

hah

u and molly are good folk

12:56am

Britt

i am not

i am just curious about your opinion

im looking for insight i suppos

12:57am

Oscar

yeah

insights always a good thing...

ive been needing insight recently too

12:58am

Britt

i need alot

on everything

12:58am

Oscar

hah me too

12:58am

Britt

what a mess lol

12:58am

Oscar

ive been doing good though despite my circumstances

12:59am

Britt

oh?

12:59am

Oscar

well sorta

1:00am

Oscar

i guess im taking this time to just retort back to being a broken human

and seeking guidance from above

i know that sounds lame

but its true

1:02am

Britt

doesnt sound lame it actually makes sense

its all you can do really

1:02am

Oscar

yeah

1:03am

Britt

i am just searching for something

1:03am

Oscar

love..

...we all are

1:03am

Britt

meaning

purpose

1:03am

Oscar

yeah

1:03am

Britt

being 19

a very transitional time thus far

1:04am

Oscar

haha

good

im 26

and i still dont know shit

1:04am

Britt

gosh

thats not good

i dont want to feel this way then

1:04am

Oscar

nah im kidding

1:05am

Britt give me a reason to fight the feeling that there is nothing here for me, cause none of its easy, i know it wasnt meant to be, i know its all up to me, its all up to me, so what am i gonna do with my time....

1:05am

Britt

good

1:07am

Oscar

u may reach the place u wanna go...but when u get there...ur still human...and will have the same struggles u always did...the same uncertainty...the same desperate longing for something meaningful...

1:07am

Britt

I HATE THAT

i hate that when im finally like....somewhere

i just feel this desperate longing

its so depressing

and here you are

telling me it wont ever stop

BAH

1:09am

drumnbass411 @ 2009-01-23T17:44:00

2009-01-24T00:01:18Z

rodie died today...i dont really know what to say about it other than im grieved for my mother and pained to have lost a friend...my mothers devastated..."my poor little baby" crying, is what she told my sister...he suffocated in a blanket...what hurts me the most is hearing how my mother hurts though...ive learned in the last couple years what it means to feel pain and loss..and ive also learned how to deal with..ive grown stronger, or maybe weaker..learning to hold things with a half open hand, so that when God decides to take it away, i wont fight...i want so badly to hold things in a perfectly strong grip..but i know thats just not the way things are...thats not the point though...the point is that i can deal with my struggles, pains, etc., but i cant deal with seeing people in pain, people who've lost or never had...it hurts me so badly...and im filled with a desperate cry to God, that he would just heal them and love them and give them something better than what i have...

drumnbass411 @ 2008-11-26T21:26:00

2008-11-27T03:45:52Z

im not around the ones i love the most and it kills me. i need some sort of stability it feels like. i mean i have work and friends and people that i care about here, but there are those in my life that know me deeper than most, and who have been through things with me, people i can share the deep things in my heart with, those deep crevaces in our heart that we most of the time forget are there, but are filled with treasures unnameable. im dealing with this right now and it kinda sucks. i told a friend once that i could be doing anything at all, i could be working in a factory in some no named town in the middle of south dakota, but if i was around the ones i loved and affecting their lives and the lives around me, it wouldnt matter, i would be the happiest person alive. i think this is what family is. the people in your life you see everyday that know you when you wake up and know you when you goto sleep, who dont mind you when your ugly or when you smell bad. the people who see past all the shallow things the rest of the world looks at and makes you feel loved no matter what. i want that. i miss my family. and im looking foward to that day when i can goto sleep knowing that when i wake up, ill wake up and see the ones i love.

drumnbass411 @ 2008-11-26T03:17:00

2008-11-26T09:18:01Z

The other night i watched an interesting documentary with some friends, one that would make a lot of people i know cringe in their seats because of an awakened conscience that screams in their ears that they should take into consideration the idea of a creator. It was called "Expelled" with Ben Stein, you know, that guy from the visine commercials that talks with a semi-annoying yet semi-soothing monotone voice, "drryyy eyyees". Despite his uninteresting personality on visine commercials, hes actually a very witty, very intelligent man thats even had a game show called "Win Ben Steins Money" where contestants actually challenged him, in a trivia like way, for a portion of his actual earnings, cool huh. This man has authored 28 books, written speeches for presidents, had a career as a lawyer, in academics, politics, and has been in numerous movies and t.v. shows, wow. Probably one of the most successful men ive seen in the last century who doesnt either make a mockery of himself or other people and who has done so in more than one arena of life.
So heres this man, who has taken it upon himself to approach, not only intelligent design, but more the unseen bias towards darwinian evolution in schools and media, and how the lack of desire to discuss openly, and scientificly, the topic, is inadvertenly building a wall that is taking away the voice of those who believe in intelligent design.
The debate has always been, at the heart, about origin. How did life start, and answering the question without bias and with an honest desire for truth. But from the beginning we see a group of elitist, who sometimes have either political or moral, or lack thereof, agendas, who blatantly say they are right and everybody else is wrong.
In the end we have two groups of people: people who believe in intelligent design and people who believe in darwinian evolution for the cause of origin. I am in the former group but in no way judge the latter, and desire with all my heart that someday we could (we as in the "big named" scientists that have voices),together, dialogue in a way that we could retort honestly to the original question of origin.
The question of origin still exists, which means we havent completely solved the puzzle, therefore, we must know and understand the different theories involved which such a question.

drumnbass411 @ 2008-11-20T04:12:00

2008-11-20T10:12:25Z

I have nothing in particular that i want to write about, but i have this longing to write that just wont go away. As if my emotions and feelings were like a thermometer having no where to go but up to my brain when they were heated or somehow inspired. Most of the time when i feel like this i just play the guitar or some sort of musical instrument to release, in a very general way, the feelings inside, but as of late i havent been able to. As if the general release of feelings wasnt enough, and needing it to be more specific, i must write down or try to write a more definite expression of them.
So what am i feeling?
Alot of things.
I think this question is tricky and the answer sometimes cant be trusted. For one minute i feel one way and the next, another. Of course i believe it is essential, not only to live a fulfilling life but also an enjoyable one, that we feel, and feel with all of our heart. But like in all things, i believe in balance, "an even distribution of weight enabling someone of something to remain upright and steady.", and in this case a balance between thoughts and feelings.
We must at all times check our thoughts with our feelings and our feelings with our thoughts. For if a man was in love with a woman who was married, he must immediately check his heart with his mind and say he mustn't keep feeling this way. Also, if a man was in a disagreement with his wife and refused to talk to her, he must check his mind with his heart, allowing love to overcome thoughts, and come up with a more rational way to resolve things. Only in this place of balance, and a constant check through the filter of each, thoughts and feelings, will we live a reasonable life.
So i only say this because, at times, i get depressed and feel as if ive let down people that i love and care about by not being "someone" or "something". Or feel as if im not good enough to be respected by those i genuinely respect and deep enough for those i feel arent so shallow. But my mind says and knows otherwise.
Im reminded of a scripture 1 Corinthians 2:11 "For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him?". The scripture goes on to describe that the spirit we have been given isnt from this world, but from God himself.
We see two things here. One, we see that no man knows our thoughts and our ways fully, the way we know them ourselves. Which is to say that if we check our emotions through the judgments and thoughts of other people, we lose. Always no matter what.
We must always check ourselves rightly through our own thoughts and judgements, which leads me to my second observation of these scriptures. Our own thoughts and feelings must be seen through the thoughts and judgements of the God who gave us this spirit, for we cant rightly examine ourselves until we have a right starting point in which to begin from. So there it is, "deep calls unto deep."
Ourselves so deep with emotion and thought and longing for those to be examined and filtered through the thoughts and emotions of something or someone else, and us longing to gaze and filter the thoughts and feelings of something or someone else.
For there seems to be no other perfect communion than the communion between God and man. A God, perfectly whole and good in spirit, stoops low to take His beloved, engulfs her with the infinitely wide, long, depth and height of love, and allows her to take identity in Him, essentially takin His name.
So that is it...released.

drumnbass411 @ 2008-09-01T06:16:00

2008-09-01T11:21:58Z

Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree and they grew next to each other. And everyday the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and say, "Your crooked! Youve always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me, look at me," said the straight tree, "im tall and im straight". And then one day the lumber jacks came into the forest, looked around, and the manager in charge said, "Cut all the straight trees." and that crooked tree is still there till this day, growing strong and growing strange.

drumnbass411 @ 2008-07-16T06:10:00

2008-07-16T11:09:47Z

sunrises never looked so beautiful.

im inspired.

2008-07-13T11:45:31Z

the last few days have been some of the best days ive had in a while...its amazing how you can one day just meet someone and suddenly realize that youve been sleep walking through life...or maybe just see something in someone you already know that awakens suddenly something inside that youve long forgotten...that quickly forgotten feeling that we're all indirectly searching for...the feeling of being close to something eternal...i look for it in music, art, books, movies...anything that for a quick moment will cause me to stop and look inwardly and provoke me to think about being itself...whats even more amazing than being inspired by the works of a human is being inspired face to face through one...to hear someones wheels moving as they wrestle with thoughts on the divine...to see the importance of something greater in someone and their active commitment in seeing that they wont have anything but that...to see, to love, to be inspired by God through the face of man...thank you for loving Him desperately and in turn inspiring me to do the same.

drumnbass411 @ 2008-06-24T05:48:00

2008-06-24T10:48:22Z

let go, ill catch you.

construction paper canvas

2007-10-08T08:45:48Z

im in the prayer room right now and had an idea of what i wanted to write but that all just changed...you see their doing something called rapid fire prayer where a line of people are given an opportunity to pray short 5 to 10 second prayers for any nation on their hearts or whatever topic is at hand...there were the typical young adults and older intercessors who prayed meaningful prayers which im sure were received as honest whole hearted requests...then there were a group of about 4 or 5 young kids ages from about 4 to 10 whos prayers were lifted up with sincere unspotted hearts...as i stopped what i was doing and looked up to admire the innocence i noticed i wasnt the only one whose heart was jolted by the cute voices and fervent prayers...everybody seemed to be thinking the same thing..."aww thats cute"...the same way someone might look at a kid who was covered in finger paint while disregarding the work the kid had just completed...i remember being a kid, drawing something with such fever and excitement, thinking i had somehow tapped into the mysteries of life and were pouring them out on my construction paper canvas for everyone to see...and to see my teacher or mother look at my creation and say the typical "oh thats nice", to then just get back to what they were doing, which to me always seemed boring and unimportant...its funny, i still think that...its as if kids somehow have more insight into the kingdom of heaven then adults...or maybe its just that adults, having their hearts weighed down by business, have forgotten what it means to gaze helplessly at the stars in hope for some greater truth...Jesus said "Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it." Mark 10:15...thats intense...He says i wont make it to heaven if i continue to hold on to this idea that ive earned my keep...as if somehow by being an adult and doing all the right things and staying busy will guarantee me a spot in heaven...physical maturity does not mean spiritual maturity...God wants us to always be teachable, inquisitive, mild, humble, free from prejudice...there is a great mystery which we know to be God and we are told in Job to acquaint ourselves with Him...how is it that we can acquaint ourselves with One that eludes even the most intelligent...only a fool can believe that...or a child...or an adult who finally gives up the self-centered materialist fantasy that this world tells us we must subscribe to, even when our heart is crying out, "there must be another way"...the same cry we heard as kids that spoke of long journeys and great adventures, filled with magic and mysterious creatures...the cry that comes from the child in all of us that we've tried to stow away in some dark corner of our hearts, so that we may better pursue the shinier, heavier things in life...Jesus tells us its ok to be foolish, weak, insignificant...to share with others the mysteries of God, even while in the process we might end up covering ourselves with finger paint.

people we care about

2007-10-07T09:18:57Z

i sit here thinking about my grandfather who recently passed away and what he meant to me, and what relationships mean to me...he was a great man who people loved and respected,who was strong willed and loyal to those that were dear to him...he was the closest thing i had to a father and could turn my stomach by just a look of his eye...there were many things i wanted to tell him when he was alive and even more things i wish i did after he died...i wish i couldve told him how thankful i was for always being there for me my mom and my sister...i wish i couldve spent more time with him when he was alone in the backyard bar-be-queing...i wish i couldve told him how much he meant to me and how much i really loved him....i wish i couldve held his hand one last time and prayed with him one last prayer.

whether someone is in our life for the long haul or just for a season, we're given an opportunity to share who we are, our passions, our desires, our hurts, our love, with them and recieve theirs in return...sometimes we miss that opportunity and it passes us by and the opportunitys gone forever...sometimes we get second chances...life really is to short to not be vulnerable with those we care about and to not tell them how we feel while their near.

i wish i could go back and tell my grandfather all those things...but i cant...although i still have the chance to tell those who are still here how much they really mean to me and how much theyve affected my life...i hope to not miss those opportunitys in the future...im sorry to you if i have....im sill learning what it means to love well...will u forgive me

second chances

2007-10-06T09:13:11Z

"Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts or wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like;" Galatians 5:19-21

"And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell." James 3:6

These are harsh words but truth nonetheless. In the past week or so i was in a situation where saying the wrong thing couldve cost me someone i really cared about. Im pretty sure i said all the wrong things. we're all put in situations where we're given the opportunity to practice the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. according to Galatians 5:22-23. sometimes we dont and end up doing something stupid or saying something we know we shouldnt have.

As christians we often get caught up doing christian things because we think as christians we're supposed to. i mean faith without works is dead and true faith will always bring about good works..."Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world." James 1:27 but sometimes our jobs, our churches, even our time with our friends can become repetative and unfulfilling and our hearts turn off and we forget whats most important to us: God. it seems rediculous to think that we can forget about God but in our world in our day its as easy as turning on the tv.

my point is that even as christians we can get caught up in the world and our hearts can begin to look stale. i havent been the best christian lately and my heart feels a little stale, but thank God Hes always there waiting for us to just look up at Him...when we do we find a loving, caring friend whos stareing back at us anxious to recieve us in His arms...and all the sins and distractions of this world are washed away and we're given the opportunity to start over. i wish it were that easy with people.

this situation has opened my eyes to my own heart. its not pretty but its fixable. we sometimes think we're at a point of no return when dealing with our hearts or with God. but this isnt true...God likes to take the weakest and most broken of us and transform us into something amazing. i can think of a couple people right now that are some of the most amazing people i know that would tell you that a year ago they werent the same person...only God can do this...only God can transform water into wine...only God can make the blind see and the deaf hear...only He can make the lame dance...only God can give you true peace and true joy.

drumnbass411 @ 2007-09-28T07:32:00

2007-09-28T12:43:17Z

i cant sleep

well...

2007-08-19T09:05:18Z

so i havent updated this in 145 weeks, which is about 2 and a half years...how do i know that....well it tells you when you sign in...im sitting here in the prayer room right now thinking about life in the last few years since that first post...and how it has changed...in some aspects for the better...others not so much...we all grow up with ideas about how life will be when we get older...and we get older...and either we forget about those ideas because we get consumed with life or we realize that we're still that same person from the past just with new experiences and relationships that shape us...we're like seeds constantly searching for the light...and depending on circumstances and if we allow ourselves to be watered and fed our lives will grow upwards and our lives will take shape into something totally original from everything else in this brief moment we have in this garden...every now and then we get tangled in some weeds but Hes always there to prune us...and if we're lucky we'll find others to grow with in an intertwined upward dance of friendship and love(wow that was kinda hippyish)...i take that back...its not luck that will bring those people around us but selflessnes that will allow them to stay near despite occasional unpleasant friction...so my prayer is that God would continually prune me no matter how bad it hurts and give me just enough strength to love Him and love others and to "teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."...that is all

cap ou pas cap...

2004-11-04T10:14:29Z

wow its been like 4 months since ive updated...i was reading my past entries and got fired up about God...how is it that when we try so hard to be relevant we become so irrelevant...we even use the fasad of irrelevance to try and be relevant...blah blah blah...when it comes down to it...its just about Jesus...oh well what to do...me and my friends started an interesting game...if u would like to know the details of this game watch "love me if you dare"...great movie...i really think that this is a start to some krazy times with these kids i call my friends...im trying to document as much as i can with my video camera...for future embarrassment and what not...this is great...i feel like actor in a movie and the fun just started...i voted today...it was great...sort of a relief...yeah i voted for bush...my mom on the other hand, didnt...i tried to explain to her two of the biggest moral factors that these two men represented: abortion and homosexual marriage....she just wouldnt listen...nobody wants to listen to what other people say now days..."its all about me its all about i"...as the song says...a world full of pride and arrogance...hardened hearts and blinded eyes...ignorance is bliss i guess...when we have knowledge all our precepts are crumbled...so the fear of the demise of our prideful lives keeps us from it...that rhymed...so i guess the answer to why my mom wouldnt listen to me is Jesus...with Jesus we lay aside ourselves and look to others as though they were ourselves...so yeah i guess when it does come down to it...it really is about Jesus...well im rambling now...i need to goto sleep..bye

-oscar-

long time..

2004-06-13T05:35:46Z

well its been a long time since ive written anything...im just such a busy guy...hah j/j...well it was good havin david and the guys here a couple weeks ago...im missing home, but soon to be back...ill probably end up goin back home and wishing i was here...but its all good...life is but a vapor...the new interns are here...man are they hungry and fiery...its very encouraging...im gonna be goin on a ministry trip on monday to georgia and be gone for 2 weeks...im excited...so if anybody reads this by then or while im there, ur prayers are welcome...we just had an amazing thunderstorm...man it was intense...i thought there definately be a tornado..but nope...the lightning was awesome though..well im out peace

more desirable then gold

2004-05-21T02:33:51Z

i went skating today...it was pretty fun...i love the park...good stuff...there was this little black kid...man hes a little ripper..reminds me of little "d"...cept better..haha..he busted a frontside feeble down the handrail...sick!...after that me and my friend were supposed to go down to this drumcircle downtown for ministry...but they were done when we were on our way..suck...but its all good...i think we're gonna try to start doin that more...a friend of mine told me it was awesome...like the power of God there...theres something about intercession through drums...intense...well i just asked to play percussion for a set right now...so i gotta go...asta

none beside U...

2004-05-20T10:38:53Z

well...life is peachy...just like people...soft on the outside and hard on the inside...u know what...im sick of compromise...IM SICK OF IT...im sick of it in my life and im sick of it in the church (the body of Christ)...we are so unprepared for whats to come...christianity is not some sort of subculture thats cool and "in"...its truth, its Love, its reality...theres just so much more the Lord has for us as christians and why would we want to pass it up...why settle for anything less then perfection...because perfection is unachievable...NO!...because we are lazy...i challenge anyone whos read these words to read the book of James in the bible, or atleast the first couple chapters...asta
-oscar-

what a day

2004-05-15T08:31:59Z

wow today was great.....we had a house meeting today and talked about some stuff that needed to be talked about...then we went to food drop (its when the grocerie store give ihop free groceries so that us poor missionaries can eat..har har) and then went home and hungout and ate...then my roomate asked if i wanted to goto the nelson atkins museum....woah...it was awesome...they have art from like the b.c.'s....it was rad...we didnt get to see it all though so we have to go another time...after that we went to brodway cafe in westport...they have the greatest coffee and espresso ever...and they do all these krazy rossettes and other art on their espressos...so i treated myself to a nice mocha...oh boy.....everybody goes there instead of the starbucks thats like right next to it...its pretty funny....well after that i came here to ihop and had an awesome time of worship and prayer...then i got asked by a friend of mine if i wanted to go on a ministry trip to somewhere in georgia...and he told me to pray about it...pssh whats there to pray about...of course ill go....so if anybody wants to help support me let me know..haha...well im gonna play at from 4 to 6 which is in like 30 mins...so i better get goin...i love u all...asta
oscar

doobie doobie doo...

2004-05-13T05:54:30Z

woah im tiredd...i just finished playing a set...it was pretty good...i should prolly get the cd of it...maybe...well im just here in the prayer room basking in the presence of the AWESOME GOD!....HE ALONE IS WORTHY!!!...i was talking to beverly, a lady friend of mine from the valley, earlier, and she was telling me about the house of prayer they have there in mission...im pretty excited about that...and all yall should be too...well i didnt really do anything excited today...well i did buy a pack of picks and then realized they werent the size i like so i sold them to my friend...wait...thats not exciting..oh crap...my life is soo unexcitedddd...aghhhhhh...wait no it isnt...i get to worship the Lord all the days of my life...awesOmme...im getting hungry

He is my King!

2004-05-09T06:17:16Z

well im sitting here in the prayer room..wow im so thankful that ive had the opportunity to be here...well its looking like im gonna be back there for the fall...we'll see...tonight was pretty cool...my friend called me and asked if i wanted to go play capture the flag down at the plaza...the plaza is a really cool place downtown where alot of people go and hang out and shop and eat and stuff...its kinda like 6th street in austin cept much bigger and much nicer...denny and mondo know where im talkin about cause they went down there with me last summer...we walked by bucas (that super expensive italion restaraunt) and i was reminded of the summer...oh so great...so we were down there and well we didnt play...it was fun hanging out with all the peeps though...we took some great pics and even got to see 1 of 3 of the back to the future cars pertty cool huh...man all that walkin made me tired...the joy of the Lord is my strength...well i better go...i need to pray...asta

-oscar-

skateboard for the Lord

2004-05-07T02:41:43Z

well this is my first entry...im a little nervous yet excited..har har...today i woke up and went to the skatepark with some guys from IHOP (international house of prayer for all those who dont know)...was tryin to rip the pyramid rail but it was too sticky...nobody had wax...ive been building a relationship with this guy named daniel...he totally reminds me of jd...its kinda funny...except hes white haha...he rips it though...right now im at higher grounds coffee shop...just had a iced mocha...it was great...well im missin all my friends back at home but im having a great time with the Lord and meeting very interesting people...dashboard is playin here at the end of the month with the get up kids and thrice...a friend of mines dad is a drum rep and might be able to get us backstage...that would be tight...well until next time...asta
-oscar-